So many emotions

 I'm desperate for you, I feel so lost, I am trying to find my self worth. I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost, I feel so worthless, like I am tired of holding on, pretending to be strong. People always think I am strong when really I am strong when they need me to be strong.  They look at my life and think I have everything I want- and to a certain point I get that, I have a nice house, a husband who provides for us and who loves me no matter what I do or how many times I lose my job and shows me every day that I am the love of his life. But if they could see what devils I fight in my head, they would not want my life

I feel like my world is falling apart, I need to just be held, I need someone to tell me I am not a failure because I got fired. 

My world feels like it is falling apart but is it or is it falling in place? 

Answers seem so far away, I feel alone but really I know I'm not..

Why is it so easy to live in the what if’s? What if I stayed with Pharmachoice, would things have gotten better for me,  maybe it was a bad season not a bad forever.  SOme days I feel like it was the biggest mistake of my life when I left there but other days I am fully confident in my decision and feel like it was God ordained.  Or was it a test of my strength and my patience? God was wondering what I would push through… 

Then I went to Connors Stilwell and from day 1 I was never content, I was anxious most days because I had no idea what was really expected of me because communication was lacking but now here I am.. JOBLESS… 

Jobless with vacations planned and who knows if I can now take them because a new employer does not have to give me time immediately. 

This is the song that is playing in my ear: 

This is the air I breathe- the air you provide

Your holy presence living in me 

This is my daily breathe 

YOUR very worth, spoken to me 

Okay i just had two cool things happen to me: 

  1. Funeral home ask about job 

  2. A girl I knew from back home interviewed me

Is this like God saying I have not forgotten your desires?


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