Four Months

It’s hard to believe it’s already been four months since my sister left this world. The ache of her absence still feels so fresh, like a wound that won’t quite heal. Some days, it’s as if she’s just a phone call away, and I forget for a moment that I won’t be able to hear her voice or share a laugh with her. But then reality hits, and it’s a reminder that she’s now in a place where pain no longer exists—where she is surrounded by peace and love.

I find myself reflecting on the memories we made together—the silly moments, the heart-to-heart talks, and even the quiet times when we didn’t need to say anything at all. She had this way of lighting up a room, making everyone feel seen, loved, and important. I feel so grateful for the time we had, even though it was far too short. Today, she is certainly smiling at her kids as they put up the tree together, something we always did together over video chat.

While I miss her more than words can express, I take comfort in knowing she is in heaven, watching over all of us. I know she is surrounded by beauty and love that surpasses anything we could ever imagine. Four months may have passed, but her spirit continues to guide me, and I will carry her in my heart always.

I love you, sis. Until we meet again. 💖

Focusing On Mental Health During Pregnancy

 If you are pregnant, it’s hugely important that you take care of yourself as best as you can. This is always going to be important, but it’s not always easy to do, and you might find yourself wondering how best you can ensure that you are going to do this. The truth is that you are generally going to be able to improve your experience of pregnancy if you are focusing on your mental health in particular, so that is what we are going to take a look at here. Here are some of the main ways to focus on mental health during pregnancy and ensure you are taking care of it.

Pic Credit - CCO License

Managing Stress

It can be a stressful time when you are pregnant, so you need to make sure that you are going to do all you can to try and manage that stress as well as possible. If you are able to do that, it should mean that you are going to have a much better experience on the whole of being pregnant, which is a great place to find yourself and which you are going to find really helps a lot. So think about some of the basic ways in which you can manage your stress, and ensure you are doing these as best as you can. It’s really going to help you out a great deal.

Finding Help

One of the things that can really be difficult during pregnancy is if you feel alone. That can be hard, and it can take a real toll on your mental health, so you might want to try and find some support or help wherever possible. This is the kind of thing that is always going to make a huge difference, and which you will find is going to help you a lot when it comes to your mental health in general. You might want to look out for a pregnancy support group like www.embracegrace.com or something similar - that can be one of the best ways to feel that you are not alone.

Pic Credit - CCO License

Boosting Physical Health

Of course, as always, physical and mental health go hand in hand, so you should aim to do whatever you can to keep your physical health as strong as possible. If you do that, it means that you are going to have a much better ability to keep your mental health strong too, and that is the kind of thing that is really going to make a huge difference in all this. So make sure that you are looking after your body as well as possible throughout your pregnancy - it really will help you a lot and you’ll be glad to have done it.

Those are just some of the best ways to focus on your mental health during pregnancy.

Consumed with Grief

They say writing is therauputic so here goes...

I've never went thru anything like I have since July 31. 

I've never felt a pain like I have since July 31.

I've never known exhaustion like this since July 31. 

They call it grief and it doesnt just go away. 

I've had people die before, people I've been close to, people I miss every day but losing my baby sister is the worst pain I have ever experienced.

Pain & Guilt 

Guilt because I didn't go to Colorado as we laid her to rest, Guilt because my family needed me and I wasnt able to go.. people ask me...would Rachel want you to risk your recovery and go..no she wouldn't but I have guilt. This is something I am working on. 

As kids we fought like siblings do but when she moved to St Johns to be with me, we grew so close, and we have stayed that way, not one fight, or even a disagreement but that's who she was.  She didnt like to confront anyone so she would smile and sometimes pretend to agree. 

My sister wanted to be a nurse but when she met David, moved to Colorado she wanted to be a wife and a mom and she was so good at it.  She would do anything for Dave and those kids and now they begin a new normal without their mom and wife. 

Christmas was her fav time of year. I would always get pictures the day she started decorating, she would ask my opinion what should she buy for mom, dad etc.  we would always facetime while opening presents... This year I won't have that.  We will have missing gifts under the tree, missing person around our table and that hurts like hell.

This year she is celebrating in heaven where there is no sadness, no grief, no tears, no sickness, the only hope I have is that I will meet her again until then I will go thru the waves of grief, I will take care of her babies, and I will miss her every day.  I will never not think of her, this year she will be on our tree instead of gathered around it. 

Now im done writing because I am so tired, even my fingers are tired of typing.

**Three Months Without You**

Today marks three months since you left this world, and the weight of your absence is as heavy as ever. It’s hard to put into words the ache I feel, a constant reminder of the bond we shared and the moments we will never get to experience again.

I find myself replaying our memories—the laughter that filled our home, the late-night talks that stretched into dawn, and the countless adventures we embarked on together. Each memory brings a mix of joy and sorrow, as I remember your vibrant spirit and how you lit up every room you entered.

Life without you has been a journey through waves of grief. Some days are bearable; I can smile at the memories we created. Other days, the pain feels overwhelming, like a shadow that follows me wherever I go. I often reach for my phone to share a moment with you, only to be reminded that you’re no longer here.

You were more than my sister; you were my confidante, my supporter, and my anchor. You understood me in ways that no one else could, and your wisdom guided me through life’s challenges. I miss your laughter, your voice, and the way you always knew how to make everything feel okay.

As I navigate this profound loss, I am learning to honor your memory by embracing the lessons you taught me. You showed me the importance of love, compassion, and resilience. I want to carry those values forward, to live a life that would make you proud.

Though the pain of missing you will never fully fade, I take solace in knowing that your spirit lives on in my heart. I promise to keep your memory alive, to speak your name, and to share our stories with others.

Thank you for being the incredible sister that you were. I will forever cherish you and hold you close in my heart. Until we meet again.