Marriage Monday

 Keeping the spark alive in your relationship through Intimacy

Many people offer advice regarding ways in which you can keep your partner interested and your relationship exciting and fulfilling. There are so many articles that discuss sex and how you can ‘spice up’ your relationship by infusing it with fresh, new and electrifying acts. However, few articles consider and examine intimacy and romance.

Often people equate the term intimacy with sexual acts. This is not the only interpretation of the word and the two terms are not necessarily mutually exclusive. However, the word intimacy is frequently used as a euphemism. It is commonly used by a person who doesn’t want to appear too overt and therefore decides to substitute the word sex with the word intimacy. Maybe this is why we have all become so confused, resulting in these words being used interchangeably?!

Intimacy has many definitions. What’s important to highlight is that intimacy is a “process – not a thing”. It “takes place over time and is not stagnant”. The use of the word stagnant is such an apt term when considering intimacy.
Stagnant is used primarily to describe something as lifeless, inactive, dormant or flat. Intimacy is like a living organism and therefore is dynamic and evolving. Like a thriving plant or glorious, delicate and vivid rose, it too requires nurturing, care, love, and attention.

There are various forms of intimacy from cognitive, intellectual, experiential, emotional and sexual.
In order for you to best connect with your partner, it’s imperative that you devise ways in which you can be more intimate. For me, being intimate is any gesture or action that is shared with my partner and is something that is just for us. A loving gaze, a gentle squeeze, a foot massage, him giving me a neck massage and many others, are examples of things we do for each other and no one else.  This is love.

Similarly, whenever we go anywhere, we have our hands interlocked. I had never experienced this before meeting him and now I can’t imagine not holding hands whenever we are in each others presence. It too is such a simple gesture, costs you nothing and yet means the world to you and your partner. If we are on the sofa watching TV, we also hold hands and stroke each others arms, face, providing each other with gentle, loving and affectionate caresses.

We have an unspoken rule that every night irrespective of the circumstances, how tired we are or hour of the night, we give each other a kiss goodnight. We often fall asleep holding hands and this type of intimacy and affection is what keeps the love, passion and positive energy in your relationship.
The old adage ‘treat another person the way in which you want to be treated’ is a great place to begin. Remember to always treat your partner with respect, kindness and a willingness to accept each other’s differences. Maintain good communication, as this is the foundation of intimacy.
The following are suggestions to help you maintain the spark in your relationship:

  • Do something for your partner at least once a day. Giving shows you care about your partner and has the added bonus of making you feel good through the act of giving and doing something for another person.
  • Spend more time cuddling. Lying in bed cuddling or even lying on the sofa wrapped in an embrace is a loving and intimate gesture that reminds you both of the special and unique bond you share. 
  • Compliment each other. Whether commenting how beautiful your partner looks or how neat and tidy he’s made the bed, a daily compliment demonstrates your appreciation and brings a smile to each others face. 
  • In today’s technological world, it’s so easy to keep in contact with your partner. A quick SMS saying “I love you” or using one of the plethoras of emoticons like a smiley face with a kiss is a quick and thoughtful way to show your partner that you care.
  •  Make time to talk. We are all so busy and time poor but making the time to really listen to your partner increases your feelings of connection with each other.
  • Engage in fun activities together. It’s so easy to ‘get caught’ in a routine that has been created. It’s a fantastic, energizing feeling to experience something fun, exhilarating and even new with your partner. Maybe you like traveling? This is a terrific way to stimulate your minds, hearts, bodies and spirits. The beauty of traveling to a foreign and unfamiliar locale is that you’re creating a new experience with each other, especially for you both.
  • Have a romantic dinner together at least once a week. Enjoy scrumptious food and a delectable glass/bottle of wine with your partner. Share a dessert and enjoy the relaxed atmosphere of just you and your partner together, devoid of any distractions.
  • Make the time and effort to really see each other. Look into each other’s eyes and hold this powerful gaze. It’s an extremely intimate action and solidifies your love, care, affection, respect and passion for each other.


  1. Great tips! I love it when all these things are just normal and you don't have to try, but sometimes it's good to remember that they are important.

  2. It is so important to never lose touch with your partner. After many years together the first thing to go is meaningful conversation! I agree...Making time to talk is important!

  3. I say that if husband and wife don't have intimacy with God first....

  4. These are great tips! So often people focus on the physical without building on the spiritual and emotional levela in a relationship. The little gestures and the simple things are what our partners remember.

  5. These are good tips. I will try to start having the romantic dinner once a week after the kids go to bed maybe. We need some more dating in our lives!


Thanks for the blogging Love

© Take A Walk In My Shoes. Design by FCD.