One year of hell

It’s been one year.

One year since I heard your voice.
One year since I saw your smile.
One year since this world changed forever.

And not a single day has gone by without me thinking of you.

I still can’t fully wrap my head around the fact that you’re gone. Some mornings I wake up and for a split second, I forget — just a moment where the world feels whole again — and then the weight of reality settles in. The silence where your laughter used to be is so loud.

You were more than just my sister — you were my friend, my confidante, my anchor. You knew how to make me laugh when I wanted to cry, how to call me out when I needed truth, and how to love me even when I was hard to love. Your presence was a light — steady, strong, and full of warmth. And losing that light has left a space in my heart that no one else can fill.

But even in the ache of your absence, I carry so much of you with me. I see you in the little things: the way the sun hits the trees, the lyrics of a song we both loved, the scent of something that brings back a memory. I hear your voice in my head when I’m faced with a tough decision — and somehow, even now, I still know what you'd say.

They say grief is just love with nowhere to go. And it’s true — my love for you is as strong as ever, but I can’t hug you, or text you, or hear you laugh. So I write to you instead. I speak to the stars. I cry when I need to, and smile when I remember the beautiful moments we shared. You gave me so many of those, and I hold them close.

I wish we had more time. I wish I could have one more day with you — even just one more conversation. There’s so much I want to tell you. So much I want you to be here for. But more than anything, I want you to know that I miss you deeply. And I love you endlessly.

You are not forgotten. Not today. Not ever.

I carry you with me in everything I do. And I promise to live in a way that honors the love, the joy, and the strength you brought into this world. I’ll laugh louder. Love deeper. And I’ll keep your memory alive in my heart — always.

Until we meet again