I know we are
all human and no human is perfect and no relationship whether dating or
marriage is perfect and that is how God made us, he is the only perfect one.
But marriage
takes work- when I got married I was giving a beautiful cross stitched plague
and it says: marriage takes three, God, you and Me and that is so true.
At first, when we have nothing
but each other, we focus intently on the important building blocks of a healthy
and successful marriage. But as
our relationship continues forward, “stuff” begins to accumulate and begins to
distract us from the very essentials of what makes a good marriage.
Suddenly, we worry more
about the appraisal value of our home than the value of our relationship. We
check the health of our retirement account far more often than the health of
our marriage. Or we spend more time taking care of the car in the garage than
the other person in our bed.
Things begin to
accumulate in our homes and lives and soon demand our money, energy, and
precious time. As a result, we have little left over for caring for the very
elements of a happy marriage.
1.Love/Commitment.
At its core, love is a
decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting
emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels.
Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever—and
that is what defines healthy marriages.
Marriage is a decision
to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When
things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by
remaining committed even through the trials of life.
2. Sexual Faithfulness.
Sexual faithfulness in
marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind,
heart, and soul. When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another
person, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. When we offer moments
of emotional intimacies to another, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our
spouse.
Guard your sexuality
daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Sexual faithfulness requires
self-discipline and an awareness of the consequences. Refuse to put anything in
front of your eyes, body, or heart that would compromise your faithfulness.
3. Humility.
We all have weaknesses
and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on
earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to
admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will
need forgiveness. Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will
bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving forward.
4. Patience/Forgiveness.
Because no one is
perfect (see #3), patience and forgiveness will always be required in a
marriage relationship. Successful marriage partners learn to show unending
patience and forgiveness to their partner. They humbly admit their own faults
and do not expect perfection from their partner. They do not bring up past
errors in an effort to hold their partner hostage.
And they do not seek to
make amends or get revenge when mistakes occur. If you are holding onto a past
hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and
relationship free.
5. Time.
Relationships don’t work
without time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship
requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens
when quantity time is absent.The relationship with
your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you have.
Therefore, it is going to require more time than any other relationship. If
possible, set aside time each day for your spouse. And a date-night once in a
while wouldn’t hurt either.
6. Honesty and Trust.
Honesty and trust become
the foundation for everything in a successful marriage. But unlike most of the
other essentials on this list, trust takes time. You can become selfless,
committed, or patient in a moment, but trust always takes time. Trust is only
built after weeks, months, and years of being who you say you are and doing
what you say you’ll do. It takes time, so start now—and if you need to rebuild
trust in your relationship, you’ll need to work even harder.
7. Communication.
Healthy marriage
partners communicate as much as possible. They certainly discuss kids’
schedules, grocery lists, and utility bills. But they don’t stop there. They
also communicate hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties. They don’t just discuss
the changes that are taking place in the kid’s life, they also discuss the
changes that are taking place in their own hearts and souls.This essential key
cannot be overlooked because honest, forthright communication becomes the
foundation for so many other things on this list: commitment, patience, and
trust—just to name a few.
8. Selflessness.
Although it will never
show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any
other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or
incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A
selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience,
and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and
life to your partner. And begin to live life together.This is a simple call to
value our marriages, treat them with great care, and invest in them daily.
“Success in
marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being
the right mate.” – Barnett R. Brickner
