1.15.2014

Wednesdays for Women- My biggest stumbling block

{To Inspire and Encourage}


Why must I Fear


Anxiety is very real, it is a joy stealer...


I wish I could say that I no longer deal with this  but i'm scared that it has come back full force- in fact on Monday night i had a really really bad panic attack, to the point of not being able to breathe...I have never had it quite so bad before, I felt like something was sitting on my chest and it was crushing me, I texted some close friends and asked them to pray, I immediately felt a relief.


People will tell you it is all in your head, you can control it, it's just your mind going crazy or even you are going crazy, all the above might be true but it is very crippling to a person...

In high school I didn't deal with because I had a lot of friends and we had fun together, but once I went to college and I was on my own, it was bad- very bad...
I would lay in the dark room at night and make myself see things that were not there, I would be scared to have my leg out of the blankets or put my feet to the floor because something under the bed might grab me and no one would see me again.

Now that I am married and a mom- I worry about other things

Andrew losing his job,  he will die, or leave me for someone else, something would happen to my siblings, my parents, I worry that I will have a disease that will kill me, or that I will deal with IC for ever and ever, or something will happen to Brooke - like a school shooting, a bus accident, kidnapping.. all these things go thru my mind if not every day, every other day.
On the drive to work in the morning I am scared Andrew will fall asleep, we live 15 mins from my work yet I live with that fear every day..
I am scared Brooke will drown in the pool, or our house will burn down.

I have gone to the ER thinking I was really having a heard attack, but come to find out it was anxiety. It is very real and very scary, I have had my face go numb, tingling down my arm, that sounds like a heart attack, I have cried many tears thinking I was dying.

I have been given medication and have been on them for well over 9 years, it was under control for a while but since this new treatment it is back and it numbs me to feel this way.

As a christian I should be able to cast all my fear on him for he cares for me- he will not let anything happen to me that isn't good, he knows everything, he knows why I deal with this, he knows when it will be completely gone away from me etc.


It is easier said then done- we have all heard that right.

It is easy for people to tell us to get over it, it is easy for them to look at us and think we are nuts..
but I would like for one day for them to feel this agony..

I do not like to be alone even now at 31 years old, I hate being alone, hubby dont' travel a lot and for that I am thankful but when he do, I leave a fan blowing or some noise so I can sleep and not hear the outside noises...


I am so thankful each night that I have my hubby beside me, he worries about nothing, nothing bothers him at least nothing that I know of, he would never tell me because it would make me that much worst.

There are so many people mainly females that deal with anxiety, when I was at the hospital on Monday there was a man there who was having a major anxiety attack, I felt so bad for the guy, wish I could have talked to him.

Pills are not the answer for everyone, some people just do.not.like.medication. of.any.form, they would rather find natural ways to deal with it, sometimes if i can "catch" it before it gets to bad, I will call a friend, or my sister, talk to my husband and we will talk about something that will take my mind of it, that really helps.


So if you face anxiety, let it go- talk to someone, talk to a friend, a co worker, a family members, a doctor, nurse, pastor etc, someone you can trust... the last thing you need is for someone to laugh at you and say get over it, it isn't that easy to get over, some people can never get over it, it is something they deal with forever,


My advice to you is to keep a notebook beside your bed, on your desk etc, when the anxiety starts, start writing the opposite of what you are feeling, if you are feeling fear, write happy thoughts, I have a notebook of things I have written when anxiety has hit me, there are prayers, little quotes, letters to myself etc.

Pray is also the best thing you can do because Jesus is right there beside you no matter where you are, what you are doing etc, he is there as soon as you call out to him.

Also, I am here to help you in anyway I can, Promise

8 comments

  1. I am a Christian as well, it is hard to turn it all over to God but when we do we are free, He gives us peace. It comes from only Him, nothing we can do on our own!

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  2. I can totally relate to this post...I don't have severe anxiety but I do have it and it's a horrible feeling! I myself went to the ER a while back (thinking but not believing it could be a heart attack) only to find it was a panic attack...the first and ONLY one I've ever had! Needless to say, it was VERY scary!!!! Good for you for taking control of your emotions and trying to handle the situation in the best way possible!

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  3. ((HUGS)) I go through this too. The best thing is to get my mind off it and my husband hugs me and I concentrate on my breathing to match his. Works everytime.
    Kas

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  4. I've dealt with anxiety - sometimes quite severe - a lot in my life. I wouldn't say I'm "free," but I've learned to manage it. I too am a Christian and it can be hard to put your trust in Him and give up that control of trying to make things happen. It's not going to happen overnight - it's daily baby steps.
    I did go on medication at one point and it was very helpful to get me over that edge. I've also gone to regular counseling for the past two years (to deal with things from my past) and that, along with daily prayer and mediation has made a huge difference.
    Don't give up. Keep working and you will get through this. ((HUGS))

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  5. I'm sorry that you have to deal with anxiety :( Sometimes it is hard to focus on God when your everyday life can be so stressful, and you live in fear of another anxiety attack. It helps just to focus on the blessings that you are experiencing RIGHT NOW. Matthew 6:34 says "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself, each day has enough trouble of it's own." That may not relate directly to anxiety, but I love this verse and it's a great one to remember when you're stressing about the future. God is holding you and loves you NOW, and that's important to always remember. God bless!

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  6. I can totally relate - I occasionally suffer from anxiety and it is no fun. I try to look at things in smaller blocks and not get overwhelmed by everything. That helps me manage it a little better and focus on the good things in my life.

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  7. So my husband is the same way when it comes to a fan, where he has to sleep at night with one so he can't hear anything. Like you, his mind just races and searches for all the bad things that could happen. I know I don't need to tell you this, I know your faith is strong, but the bible does says
    Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?". Now I know you know this, so try this little trick. As soon as your mind goes to that bad place, after the first bad thought, force yourself to think of something God has blessed you with. Stop those bad thoughts in its tracks. Will it stop you from having bad things happen to you? No. Bad things happen to everyone. But not worrying about it and living in the moment, not racing to the next or worrying too much about the future is what you need to focus on, and I do understand it is easier said than done. I deal with this all the time with my husband when his mind goes there. So I'm very familiar with it. I too used to suffer from panic attacks back when I was 23. I had a horrible thing I was going thru, but was able to get out of it, and they didn't last very long. They seemed to creep in when I was about to go to sleep at night. Suddenly the room felt like it was closing in and I could hardly breath. So I get it!! But I say combat those evil thoughts, with thoughts of Good. Stop it in its tracks. If it will help wear a bracelet or charm all the time. You can look down at your bracelet as a reminder and take immediate action!

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  8. I suffer from anxiety as well, it's not as severe as yours but it's enough to turn me into a mess. It's contributed to some of the most depressing and miserable times of my life. I've found that writing things down has helped, taking days one step at a time, talking to trusted friends and blogging. Blogging has been a huge relief. Keep the faith and know that we are all here for you.

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