3.21.2017

The silent Killer

Today I want to share my heart and soul with you, I have debated on writing this because I didn't want anyone to know what I was dealing with, I was hiding behind the truth... I didn't want to share how I really felt mentally, physically or emotionally.

ANXIETY
I kept thinking if you share this and people find out, they will think you are crazy, you will not have any friends if you share what you deal with on a daily basis... besides what do you have to be anxious over.. you have everything you could ever want : a husband who spoils you and loves you unconditionally, a beautiful daughter, a son and a daughter in law to be,  2 amazing parents and inlaws, a job that I truly love, friends, etc, the list could go on and on.

The symptoms can be: 

  • Feelings of panic, fear, and uneasiness.
  • Problems sleeping.
  • Cold or sweaty hands or feet.
  • Shortness of breath.
  • Heart palpitations.
  • Not being able to be still and calm.
  • Dry mouth.
  • Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet.

Deep down I know I have nothing to be anxious over, but it is so hard to make my head believe that, I have been on meds for anxiety for so many years and I had one pill that was working great, then after 7 years it stopped working at all, so they have been trying other ones, while trying the other ones, the anxiety has been super bad, I mean to the point of my legs feeling rubbery, feeling like I could pass out.. it is so scary.. then I over think and really think I am going to die and leave my husband and daughter, this my friends scares me like you wouldn't believe...

Most times I can pull myself out of the attack by finding someone to talk to ( Thank you Melissa, Ashley, Chris and my hubby), something to listen to, something to ground me, read my bible etc, but at 2 am if this happens I do not have the person I can call or text so I have to find something to listen to, I am not a music person at all but sometimes music will help me get thru it.
I also do a lot of writing when I am having a panic attack, it helps calm me down, take my mind off it and put it on something else. 

Overall Anxiety is incredibly scary, it makes you feel like you are out of control, sometimes you can even feel like you are outside of your body and that scares me mostly. 
I feel like I need a break from my thoughts, a long vacation on a warm beach somewhere... 
My anxiety started getting really bad back in February when I left my old job to come to my new job, I am not sure why because I am completely happy here, I would appreciate any advice, thoughts or prayers. 




4 comments

  1. Terri-Lynn, we all love you, and we do not judge you. I feel your pain, it feels as though you are trapped inside yourself and that every little thing that can make you panic, haunts you until the feelings are too overwhelming to deal with. I refuse to go back on any meds as I am too sensitive to it, so I live with this daily. I over think conversations to the point that I almost speak them out loud and try to think of better words that I could have said. I panic at the thought of parking in an area I am unfamiliar with in case I cannot back in my car properly. The whole time I am in this place I am worried about how I can escape the parking lot because I am not parked like I normally do. I sweat and panic just going to a different Sobeys location than my normal one when I am picking up groceries. It may sound absolutely silly and "all in my head" to some - but to myself it feels like I'm drowning. xo You are not alone.

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    Replies
    1. I love you Ash. you are the best friend anyone could ever have, I am so glad I am not alone. it is super scary and to know I have you makes it all better.

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  2. Terri, I've been through the same thing myself - you can beat this!

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