Your former best friend

2 years ago to this very day I lost my  best friend.
Not to death or illness.
Since she got married and I was her matron of honor
we never speak like best friends should

She told me I ruined her wedding as it was "all" about me
She said she did not want me there but felt she had to
she asked me to be her MOH.

“miss to unhe Kiya Jata hai Jo dil se dur hote Hain"(you only miss people who are away from your heart.

So I wrote this letter, No I did not send to her as I do not want to make her feel that I am dying for her friendship back even though I am

I miss you. I miss texting you about every single stupid thing that happens in my life.  I miss sending you heinous Snapchats from the bathroom. I miss looking over at you and knowing exactly what you are thinking. I miss your family and the way you used to fill me in on their daily happenings. I miss knowing that at the end of the day I had you, that when push came to shove, no matter how bad the situation might be, I knew you would be there. I miss my person, my other half and my best friend.

I hate that when people ask me how you are doing, and I genuinely don’t know. I hate that our conversations that once used to be so natural and seemingly endless are now filled with awkward silences and formal "how-do-you-dos." I hate that your face, the face I was so accustomed to seeing every single day, has become just another one in the crowd. I hate that we can now go days at a time without speaking to each other and that most of our conversations now start with “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever!”.

I'm mad at us for letting our friendship become this far gone. I am mad at us for not fighting harder for the friendship that we had. It wasn’t like most friendships. It was the kind of friendship that neither of us could have anticipated coming to an end. It was us against the world, and now it is nothing. I am mad at us for letting it become nothing but a collection of memories.

I am sad because I don’t even know where to go from here. I don’t know what there is to be said. Nothing really happened to make it change, so how do we fix it? How do I make this horrible yearning for you go away? How do I shake the dreadful feeling of knowing that you are no longer just a phone call away? How do we find a way to fall back together just as easily as we fell apart?

However, even if that is the case, I will never give up hope that we will find our way back to each other, no matter how unlikely that now seems. I will never stop caring about you and wishing you well in life. I will silently smile from a distant sideline as you go out into the world and make a change You will always hold a special place in my heart even though I may no longer hold one in yours. I will never stop looking back on our friendship fondly and will always only have kind things to say.

I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know one thing is for certain, I will never find another friend like the friend I found in you. Thank you for everything. I miss you more than you could ever possibly know.

All the best,
Your Former Best Friend