8.10.2013

The cold hard truth right from my heart

Tonight i just feel like writing
No idea who this is for
or maybe its just for me

a friend blogged and she got some thoughts swirling in my head, i was in bed but had to get up to write this...

sometimes we go thru things to help other people get thru things
I got diagnosed with one of the most chronic pains ever "IC" has it been easy,
NOT at all, in fact its depressing
the pain is so bad at times that i actually cry, i plead with God, why me, what did i ever do to deserve this...
no answer given except " he never gives us more then we can bear"
sometimes we feel we cannot bear any more,
sometimes i feel like i cannot handle another trip to the Emergency
sometimes i feel like i cannot handle another morphine shot where the next day i am feeling so sore, tired and moody
but ya know what
as long as i have breathe in me, I can get thru this
Besides he never gives us more then we can bear.

as humans we think what did i ever do to go thru this, why does she have to go thru what she goes thru, she is a pastors wife, shouldn't God allow her to be 100% healthy, she is working for his kingdom so don't it make sense for her to be done with this sickness ?

This song is on my mind:

When I've cried all i can cry
when i've prayed all i can pray
hear my heart
When there are no words to say
When there are no prayers to pray
hear my heart

When i first got diagnosed, i kinda laughed it off because i could do this, i could beat this, i was stronger and bigger then this, 6 months in i became very frustrated, very depressed and kept saying WHY God, WHY God
i felt like no one was in this place before, i felt so lonely, i felt so betrayed by God, {its OK to feel that way}that's why i started doing some research and i found out, there are a lot of people in the world that has this disease and every one feels the same way that i do, there is no cure, nothing that can take this away... so for the remainder of my life, I'm dealing with this condition unless God chooses to heal me, if he don't, i still have to trust him, i know he knows whats best for me, so i need to trust him completely.
This disease plays with your mind as any numbing pain disease does, but I've learnt to be quiet so God can hear my heart

7 comments

  1. I wish you didn't have to go through all of the pain and sadness that you do, Terri, because of your disease. But your outlook has one bright point--God never gives us anything we can't handle. He knows you are a strong woman and mother and that you can overcome. The fact that you are able to get out your feelings here on your blog show that.

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  2. Terri - I'm keeping you in my very present thoughts. xx

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  3. So sorry that this is so hard. Love the way you've written about it and shared your thoughts with others - I hope it is helping others deal with the same issues. Good for you to be quiet and listen.

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  4. Terrie, hoping you will get on top of the pain sometime soon. Take care

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  5. It may not be the way you want to share your faith, but it's one of the most powerful testimonies I've heard. I'm sorry that you have to hurt, and I hope and pray that it's just a season and it won't always be that way, Terri.

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