Advice Please

Good Morning Everyone 

We are in the middle of a Winter Storm here 
we leave in 2 sleeps

so please pray that this storm ends so we can still make it.
I think I am pretty well ready to leave, started packing yesterday, today i wanna finish it.

Ladies, I need some advice
I am a little hesitant to put this in the live blog world because of the people involved but i need to make the right decisions here, so i will publish and pray this person don't see it

My Mother
Since she lost her mother  eight years ago, she just hasn't been right 
she seems to be very emotional
other times she is a very happy person
My father goes thru a lot when she is having a bad day 
My brother and I really want to make a change when we are there
sometimes she disappears and no one knows where she goes, when we ask she don't give a straight answer
I think she is severely depressed and has a lot of anxiety.
The thing is i don't think she will go see a Dr with us, we may have to go see the doctor and tell him about it and hope he can do something.
What would you do? 
I don't mean things are a little bad, when she is having a bad day she is having a horrible day
and everyone knows
She refuses to go visit any of her family anytime, so then she feels like she has no "family".  My aunts have tried to help her, she wont do it. There is one person who she will go visit all the time- i think she looks at this person as a "mother" figure. 
I have talked to this mother figure in her life and she told me 
trying to keep my mother happy is very exhausting to her
she said my mother follows her around like a lost puppy with a leash.
This hurts us 
she also wont talk to either of us when she is having a bad day 
if she do its because we have called and sensed something is wrong
she then wont go into details except that 
she misses all of us
that's fine, we understand 
My brother and I will be home for Christmas, my sister wont be. 
I really need this fixed with my mom 
because she has always been the one who makes everyone feel better. I know she needs therapy to get rid of this depression, I've been there i know how it feels.  
I don't think she needs medication- even though some may disagree with me
there are so many other ways to fight depression
Maybe i should write my story some time and let ya all see how i fought it.

So Ladies, if you wouldn't mind i need some advice..
1) is it a good idea for us to go see the doctor behind her back
2) Should we talk to her first about this and how it affects us
3) What other advice can you offer me?


  1. Terri,

    I suffered from depression living under the roof of my mother. Its a long long story, but I can relate just to the fact that I was on medication, I didn't need to be on, I just needed to be out of that situation. Do you have any idea what is causing this depression? Financial strain? Did she loose someone? Does she have the empty nest syndrome? I think if you can help identify the source that would help. Does she have any close friends that she gets together regularly with? I think sometimes people feel like when their kids leave home, they've lost all the meaning in their life, and they really just need to rediscover themselves again and start focusing on themselves again. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about this troubling time and I hope you, your siblings and your mom can resolve some things and have a happy Christmas. Maybe she'll agree to go to some counceling after talking with you as long as its approached in a way that simply shows you care about her.

    1. Since her mom died she has been like this
      we have all been left home for 8 years so not sure if she is just getting empty nest syndrome now, but very possible
      she has one person she will hang out with, i think she needs to realize more people care for her

  2. I don't have any experience with depression, I have never suffered from it or known someone who has, but I do agree that medication is not always the answer. I wouldn't recommend seeing a doctor behind her back only because it might make things worse or upset her to know that you spoke to someone about her without her knowledge. Can you talk to her and suggest that she see someone and that you and your brother will be there with her to support her? Maybe the mother figure in her life can suggest seeing a doctor? If she visits her often, she must have some kind of connection/attachment to her and it's possible that she might listen to her. Or maybe everyone (including the mother figure) can sit down with her and talk to her. Let her know that you all care about her and want to see her happy again. I am sorry about this situation, and that I can't be more help. I hope you can get past this and have a wonderful holiday! *HUGS*

    Jessica @ Boys Oh Boys

  3. Dear Terri,

    I'm so sorry to learn of your struggle. Unfortunately there is sometimes still stigma for some associated with seeing help for depression and anxiety. I think that you are in the right place with wanting to see the best sort of support possible for your mother. I understand the feeling of wanting to "fix" the problem, but a good therapist is absolutely key. I'm wondering if your mom will benefit from a family intervention? A gentle discussion to help lead her to therapy. Only a trained professional will know if medication is necessary, but a good therapist is crucial. I'm sending my best and thinking of you. xo - M

    1. i think her talking to someone is key- thing is where they live ( middle of no where) there is no counsellings places there, so the only thing she has is her family doctor..

  4. I don't suggest doing it behind her back. I called my mom's doctor the day after she attempted suicide for help. My mom found out. She still resents me for it. She also resents me for other things. I'm only twenty-one, and I was twenty when she overdosed. It was really frustrating.

    They told me that, even if I had gone to the doctor to talk to them, whether I'm on her HIPPA or not, I cannot have them call her for an appointment/try to see what's wrong/etc. because it would be against her will. The only thing I could do was to take her to the hospital and explain to them what's going on - that I could call beforehand and that when I arrived, they'd be ready, so she couldn't somehow escape.

    I don't know if this helps, but I know it's much easier to be open and honest about what you're doing. Otherwise, things might not be good after you go behind their backs.

    Good luck. :3


Thanks for the blogging Love

© Take A Walk In My Shoes. Design by FCD.