Wednesdays for Women- Marly's struggle with Depression

{To Inspire and Encourage}

I first met Marly when she was my partner for the Cara Box swap, I fell in love with her beautiful family, now we are great friends, read her struggle below

Depression- Such an interesting topic on many different levels. Most of us, if not ALL of us have been affected by this darkness in one way or another.

When I seen I had an opportunity to write a post about this “topic” I felt intrigued to share a little bit of my story/struggle/battle with depression through out the years.  It is a changing, multifaceted aspect of life many of us deal with or have dealt with in the past.  And some days I wonder if it is ever a journey that is finished, or just something you positively cope with as the time passes on.

The first time I truly realized I was depressed I was about 13 years old- I was so upset over many different things, but even when they “got better” I was still engulfed in a darkness.  I heard often “Marly, whats wrong your just not yourself.”  Those words at that time, almost hurt me more than helped me.  Instead of confiding my feelings to someone/anyone, I decided “Fine, I guess I just have to put on a happy face and carry on with life” – and that’s what I did.  I never let anyone see the pain and anger inside me, NEVER thought of sharing the true thoughts going through my mind, as I already felt as though people just wanted to see the strong and happy Marly, not the true Marly who was weak, hurt, scared, depressed and struggling every single day.

I carried on this path for many years- probably until I was about 21-22 and broke up with “my first love”

I decided I couldn’t hide the pain, the anger, fear and depression anymore.  I didn’t know what to do, I had became so dependant on him for so many emotional things, that I truly didn’t know how to carry on with out him.   But again I was thrown into it, this time, I decided people would see this sadness, and the darkness as I just did not know how to cope and carry on with out him in my life- of course looking back, I could cope, I did make it through and I was depressed before we broke up so it wasn’t the “break up” that caused it.

I have found that writing helps my depression, even if it just on a scrap piece of paper I toss out when done, or via my blog etc.  Writing has been my saving grace.  I can write it all out, hide it away and feel I have dealt with my issues that day.

Being a mom has brought my depression to a whole new level, after having a Preemie, I am now dealing with PTSD as opposed to just Depression. Its hard- most days are tough- and being away from him and back to work full time makes it even harder. But with a combination of a PRN medication when I truly just cant handle the stress- be it a doctors appointment at the hospital he was at for months, a day when I am at work and just miss him way to much and am scared about what ifs- etc.  Most days are good days, but those of us who deal with depression may need a little bit of help.

Help is a funny thing when you are depressed, many of us do not want to offer information about ourselves to others- however talking, reaching out and networking can help immensely!  So I may have to cut this post short, however if I can suggest a few things here they are:

-          Reach out to someone, at least 1 person, let them know what your dealing with and why it maybe affecting you the way it is

-          Talk to your GP about how you are feeling, do not feel ashamed in any way

-          Find a HEALTHY way to cope with stress (working out, art, music etc etc)

-          Realize you are not alone!

-          Look for forums online with support

-          Remember lots of people love you and need you around

-          Stay strong!