Lately, Marriage has been on my mind a lot.
I get a lot of messages about marriage and how do I have a fairy tale marriage. News Flash- we do not. Yes we have been married for 16 years and yes I still feel like I am in the honeymoon phase most days,

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

When I said I do, I didn't mean until things got tough, I meant I do to work with you and be his companion for the rest of my life, God did not create marriage just to let it crumble, that being said I know not every marriage is going to work, some people have tried- they have done everything.

Marriage is like a garden.  There are steps to have a successful garden and the same with Marriage. 

  • Step 1: The two partners begin by discussing and sharing with one another the type of marriage they each want, recognizing that not all marriages are the same and that there are various models for marriage. This becomes the design.

  • Step 2: Then the couple puts their design on paper so that they can refer to it from time to time to determine whether they are on track toward building the marriage they both said that they want.

  • Step 3: In a marriage the plants are the values and principles that they have each agreed to honor and live by. Such values and principles as integrity, learning to really listen to one another, abstaining from sarcasm, verbal or physical abuse, generosity of spirit, affection, respecting differences, developing communication skills, promoting romance and affection, being considerate, having alone time, procedures for dealing with finances, etc.

  • Step 4: They may have to spend considerable time removing the impediments (weeds and rocks) to intimacy. The impediments may be a function of their joint and individual history. If they are not removed, they may well interfere with the healthy blooms that can result from an intimate relationship.

  • Step 5: They must set aside time during the week to work on their relationship. They need time to discuss issues that are of concern to one another. They need time to have romance, affection, and emotional and physical intimacy. Tending to the relationship must be a priority for each party. The relationship cannot survive by the efforts of one person only.
As you might imagine, this process takes time, patience, and commitment. Just as with a garden, the time and energy expended in the early stages will pay handsome dividends in the future. And just as with a garden, your marriage will only thrive to the extent that you tend it. If you fail to exercise the steps suggested in this post, you are reducing your odds of having the relationship you want.


  1. What a beautiful analogy! These steps definitely take time and a lot of effort, but the results are incredibly rewarding! I've been married for almost 10 months, and I'm excited to continue cultivating my marriage for decades to come!

  2. These are great steps to encourage and cultivate a loving marriage in all seasons.

  3. Love the comparison to a garden!Marriage takes intention and hard work, I think many divorces happen because it's harder work than people are willing to give!


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