2.09.2015

Guest Post- Amanda






The first of our Love story week writers is Amanda, I love this girl, I cannot even remember how I met her, it s like she has always been a part of my life, I love her like a sister and the way she writes, her and her husband have a gorgeous little guy Judah and a precious babe as an angel with Jesus. 

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Hello and happy new year! I'm Amanda from Beloved Sweetbay and I am excited to be a guest today! When Terri asked me to write about marriage, my mind went a million different places. My husband and I will celebrate 10 years in June, and I've already got a lifetime of stories to tell! 

But today I want to share with you the wisdom of someone near and dear to me. My grandparents celebrated 56 years of marriage last year! That makes my almost 10 years sound so...short! 

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These two are undeniably in L-O-V-E and it shows in everything they do. I could not ask for a better example of Christ's love on this earth than the love I see in these two. Not only to each other, but to everyone they come in contact with. I am so, so very blessed to have them in my life!

Below are the answers to some questions I asked my Grannie. I hope they bless you as they have blessed me and encourage you in your marriage- now or in the future!

"Not sure if these will help, but I just wrote from the heart, not from the book on marriage :) Enjoy!" -Grannie B.

1. How long have you been married?
56 years on March 9th, 2014

2. How do you put God at the center of your relationship every day?
We start with coffee moving into breakfast before which we offer praise for the night’s safety and rest; offer repentance for sins we recognize and those of which we are unaware; ask the Lord’s guidance for our family members as they move about and made decisions as well as face temptations; thanks for each provision, whether it be spiritual, physical, emotional or monetary; yield our minds and bodies to His leadership for the day.

3. What are some ways you communicate with your spouse?
Body language and facial expressions are important ways to communicate as are tone of voice. When we have decisions to be made, we try to give each other time and space to share their ideas and opinions.

4. How do you communicate love and appreciation to your spouse?
We drop by recliners for quick hugs; meet (not by accident) in hallways with smiles and silly high-fives/hugs :) We sometimes sit close together and just “breathe on one another” being sure to have used mouthwash, deodorant soap and underarm deodorant. We seldom pass too many hours without an "I LOVE YOU" being said!

5. How do you resolve conflicts or misunderstandings?
Unless immediate resolution is necessary, we sleep on it .. Not to let it fester, but to see if we have a different solution or perspective. Then HE is so sweet to say, “Honey, we need to talk.” Sometimes we have the same ideas, often not, but we acknowledge the value of each other’s ideas and concerns. Of course, we ask God’s help!

6. What helps you to love the other person when you are mad at them?
Remembering how sweet it was when we were in complete harmony, then realizing nothing is worth being angry past a point. We each try to find a time and way to say, "I still love you very much and can’t stay mad at you very long" :)

7. What do you see as strengths and weaknesses of your/in your marriage?
One of the main strengths of our marriage is respect. We search for times and ways to show respect and appreciation for one another. Frank tells me often how much he appreciates having clean laundry; good meals (and I’m not a great cook); times we do things together without being invited. Sometimes one of us is just having a grumpy day. We need some space or time alone. That’s allowed without question. If we have a weakness, it may be that we could live isolated from others (other than family…they are our joy and bring such excitement when we know they will be with us :) 

8. How has your marriage changed over the years?
When we were first married, I was a total legalist =/ I also saw only one way to do anything. Since he had not been in church during his early years, I felt I had to “guide his conscience.” Finally, after a year, he kindly told me: “I love you, but you are not my Holy Spirit.” It hurt at first, because I didn’t want to admit I had been so dogmatic and set in my ways L With prayer and self examination, I realized I needed to pray and wait for the Holy Spirit to convict/convince if indeed he needed to change. My ‘harping’ on a situation or habit would only drive a wedge. So now I try to hold my tongue and ask the Lord to do what needs to be done with him AND ME.

9. Anything you didn't figure out until, say, 7-10 years in that you would recommend to a couple that is starting out?
I heard recently on a family radio program that the first few years of marriage has a record of letting his/her family traditions cause problems, especially at holidays. I would recommend family traditions and usually accepted practices, be discussed early in (or even before) the marriage. I think by the time we had been married 10 years, we knew one another pretty well and had accepted one another’s moods, personalities and families. We had been married about 15 years before he sat me down and said, “We need to talk. When I ask your opinion, I mean it. Otherwise, when a good decision is made, it makes me look line a Lone Ranger hero. When it doesn’t turn out so good, I feel like I really messed up. I need your ideas, opinions and help with decisions. Seriously!” I had figured as “Whatever you want to do…” was a good thing. It isn’t…or wasn’t for us. He truly needs and wants my opinions and ideas. Makes us both feel we have a part in successes or failures. 

10. What things in your marriage make you happy? 

Just being together. He is my very best friend. We laugh a lot, hold hands while driving, sometimes start to say something and realize we are saying the same thing at the same time. We like the same types of movies and activities … clearing brush, cleaning house, etc. 

11. What do you think God is doing in your marriage right now?
Sadly to admit, I believe He is preparing us to be ready to let the other leave when it is time. Sometimes I can’t bear to think about life without him, then I laugh at myself and say, “Silly girl. He may have to live alone without you. Which would you choose?” I smile at myself and think of something that needs to be done.

12. What makes love last?
Friendship that would probably be there even if you weren’t married. I often tell him I am so happy I am married to him, because I’m afraid his wife would be jealous of how much I love and respect him. Silly thought, huh :) The ability to agree to disagree is vital in a close friendship and especially in a marriage. Of course, faithfulness and trust are without question an acid test for happiness in a marriage.

13. How do you make your marriage feel "alive" or "new" each day?
We wake up (sometimes during the early morning hours), feel to see if we are both really alive and think (usually actually say) it’s a new day. He calls me his Angel Girl and asks how I slept. I sometimes lie, but smile and he knows I just don’t want to discuss my body functions :) So he ruffles my already tussled hair, and warms my coffee. After that we sit together and discuss any plans we have, whether the other party is invited to participate or it’s a loner project; and try to get our “git up and go” going ;))) We ask the Lord’s guidance during our breakfast blessing (and of course at each meal).

14. How do you get along so well today?
Today? Well, if we weren’t still in love and didn’t enjoy all the things we share, I’m not sure if we would get along so well. However, there are few things we disagree on and if there are, we just avoid them at this point … he gives me space and I try to allow him time and space, too. If I sense he needs more together time, I try to provide it and wait until ‘tomorrow’ to do whatever it was I felt was important for immediate completion.

I realize I’ve painted a pretty cheerful picture, but our life has had few dark days. We have been so blessed … he has made me comfortable with myself. I was not {comfortable with myself} in my early teens and a little later. I had little confidence. I couldn’t believe people would like me or need anything I had to say. He has built my self respect up, possibly more than he should. I try to let extreme compliments slide off and know what I could have been had I married someone who didn’t respect me or care about my success as a Christian and as a woman. But, I still JUST LOVE THAT GUY!
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Aren't they just precious? It is an absolute Joy to be around them and see their love for The Lord and one another! 


Thank you for reading! Happy Monday

Amanda can be found here

6 comments

  1. Amanda, How sweet was this?! Thank you for taking the time to interview your grannie and write it down for us. Such a different perspective after all these years. I kept thinking, little things matter so much when you're expressing love. But don't matter much at all when you're expressing anger. A good post!

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  2. What a great example of love! Wow 56 years. I feel as I am married longer, we have less conflict than we did when we were younger.

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  3. Lovely interview! It's always nice to have wisdom's perspective on marriage. :) I'm stopping by from the CWB share thread. Thanks for this!
    Jen :)

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  4. Awe, what a sweet post! We can learn so much from our elders...they have so much experience! This post make sme want to be a better wife ;-)

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  5. Such a sweet post! I think its important to respect our elders as we learn so much from them!

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